Love Means Paying Attention…

I remember hearing this statement  many years ago and it really convicted me.  That conviction has only strengthened as time has gone on.  I well remember children wailing, “You aren’t listening!”, and a spouse who has occasionally said, “I already told you this – several times”.  

When we truly listen to others, we imitate God, who is always attentive to us, whose very thought keeps us in existence.  Before they call I will answer; while they are yet speaking I will hear. (Isaiah 65:24)

We all hunger for someone to listen to us wholeheartedly, for it communicates that we matter.  Attentiveness is sorely lacking these days.  We’re distracted, not in the habit of unifying our attention and remaining in the present moment.  We have trouble just quieting ourselves, and we especially have difficulty praying.

Attentiveness to another person disarms the enemy’s tactic of isolating us, of using our separation from others as a means to increase shame,  self-loathing, depression.  If people feel very lonely and cut off from others, they can even lose hope and fall into despair.  St. Mother Teresa of Calcutta used to say that the greatest poverty in our society is loneliness, and things have gotten worse since she spoke these things when receiving the Nobel Prize in 1979.

In the parable of the Good Samaritan in the Gospel of Luke (10:25-37), the priest and Levite walk past the victim.  We do not know their reasons, for we cannot know their hearts.  But Jesus gives us the better model in the Samaritan, who not only sees, but responds generously, with great mercy and compassion. 

This parable always prompts me to ask myself if I am sometimes dismissive of others around me, stingy of myself, my time and attention?  Do I at times function as though my agenda, my needs and desires are greater than those around me, those who are asking for me to pay attention, to really listen to them?   They may not be bloody and half dead on the side of the road, but they are in need in some way. 

There are many reasons why we might “pass by” a needy person.  The demands of our life may be more urgent at the moment.  Often that’s true, but sometimes it might just feel that way.

Sometimes we’re actually afraid to stop and pay attention because we are fearful that too much will be demanded of us; that the other person – or we ourselves – expect us to come up with a solution to a difficult situation.  And if that feels overwhelming, we might choose to turn a deaf ear, telling ourselves that someone else can take care of it.  At times, the best (or only) thing we can do for them is just be present, hear them out and pray for them right then and there. 

And sometimes we’re just being selfish.  If we take the time to stop and pay attention, it’s a sacrifice of something else we would prefer doing and we sometimes just don’t feel like doing that.  Listening to someone often demands forbearance, challenging our patience while they ramble on about things we don’t care about, or they repeat themselves.

Jesus has said that what we do to those around us, we do to him (Matthew 25).  Mother Teresa also said that the poorest and most pitiful folks to whom she and her Sisters patiently tended were actually “Jesus in a distressing disguise”.  Now that’s a convicting statement!

I pray for a prudent and generous heart, a heart attentive to the quiet movements of the Spirit calling me at times to stop and put other things aside and really pay attention.  When I feel the pull of my conscience and/or the Holy Spirit’s conviction and I obey willingly, I experience peace within and the joy which can often be the byproduct of such obedience and generosity.  After all, love is not a feeling, but a decision of the will.