Learning Not to Resist…

“Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you.”  (Psalm 32:9, NIV)

Why might a horse or a mule resist coming to their owner?  Because they cannot be reasoned with – they “have no understanding”, says the text.  They cannot understand that in becoming docile, their lives will be better than when they’re insisting on their own way.  Their owner is unable to explain the situation to them, so they must be “controlled by bit and bridle” until they get the message. 

So I ask myself, why might I resist God (infinitely superior to an “owner”!) when he desires for me to come closer to him and relinquish my own will in favor of his?  I believe that he loves me and is always offering his mercy and forgiveness to me.  After all, he is the One who gave his very life to rescue me and give me a home with him forever.  So why might I buck and snort and pull against the leads sometimes?

Prideful stubbornness?  Probably, sometimes.  Maybe because I’m scared of the unknown?  Letting go of what seems like security to me – things that I can predict or at least are “in my control” (illusion as that might actually be) – is hard.  Perhaps in the past I’ve been  disappointed by those in whom I’ve put my trust, so I’m a little wary of trusting again?  Maybe I fear being wholeheartedly “all in”, so I find myself resisting despite my deepest desires for that oneness I’m being called into?

The readings of Christmas from the Gospel of Luke point to a very different model, a model of total trust: “…I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38, RSV).  Mary’s response is a trustful “blank check” toward the Father’s will announced by the angel, no matter the unknowns ahead of her.  She asks only “how?” such a thing could occur, but without suspicion or skepticism.

Similarly in Matthew’s Gospel, St.Joseph responds to the message he receives in his dream in the same generous, trusting, way: “When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him…” (Matthew 1:24).  He is sometimes called “the man whom God could trust”: high praise indeed!  His obedience is prompt, complete and joyful.

Both Mary and Joseph had plans, expectations about the future, which were interrupted very dramatically by God.  However the plan God had for their lives was infinitely greater than anything they could have laid out for themselves.  There were many unknowns, much suffering and many hardships indeed.  Yet Mary and Joseph were always accompanied by God’s  watchful care and his exquisite, infinite, abundant grace.  God “equips those he calls”, as the saying goes; He always provides what is needed to carry out his will, his alternative plan.

In my life, I have experienced something far less consequential but perhaps a little similar.  The path I had mapped out for myself many years ago seemed good at the time; however the unplanned-for-life that the Father had for me intervened.  Looking back, this “unchosen life” has turned out greater, richer and more beautiful than anything I myself could ever have envisaged (see Ephesians 3:20).  Yes, there have been – and are – many challenges, difficulties, and suffering in adapting to these surprising twists and turns in my life’s journey.  But I would not exchange it for anything different.

At times, God has had to use his “bit and bridle” to direct me where he wanted me to go.  Resisting him can create difficulties and regrets, as I have painfully learned!  But his plan for me is always good.  It is Love Himself who is ever drawing me closer, desiring that I experience more of his goodness, and learn a greater, deeper trust in Him and his wisdom.